Long shadows

Nothing much to say here. Just a little creation with a phone shot taken on a recent sunny winter day. It's way past bedtime. I should be asleep. Good night ¦-)

September memory

I can feel the warmth of the sun from that late September day. A weekend workshop on non violent communication. After lunch, I walked around the gardens taking in the wonderful weather and the morning's learning. It was an awakening experience. A difficult process that calls for constant self consciousness and active listening. Some days I succeed - but only momentarily. Other days (most), I'm as blind as I was before. This photo brings me back to that weekend when I realized that I already instinctively knew this stuff but didn't know how to use it. Since then, I have also understood, as all that embark in non violent communication, that constant, daily and voluntary efforts are needed to live in peace with oneself and one another. But when you do, the love within feels like that warm late September sun....

Beauty within

I choose a photo that speaks to me in the moment... then I post it here and write what the image brings to my mind. Or, sometimes I have something in mind and I go around the house with my camera searching for the shot that could illustrate my state of mind. 

That's how it usually works.

This time though... I started with this old shot in mind. I like it very much. It's part of a little series of five or six photos. Probably workers' cabins. The Queen Elizabeth cruise ship in Quebec City's port last Summer. The plants in these windows stood out against the dull gray colour of the hull. Orchids. Not in all windows, but two or three. And colourful pots. 

Beauty within. The cabins are probably not very fancy. Rather basic, I suppose. But there were flowers in the windows. Orchids.

I have lost touch, maybe just slightly, with my inner beauty. Or I just feel it slipping away. And can't seem to hold on. Lazy effort now and then to keep the light on and let it shine outward again. But fog surrounds my mind. Soft and grayish. The light can't go far. As if there was nothing to shine upon.

Don't read any moodiness into this. I'm not really uncomfortable about it. As I write this, it's as if I'm watching from a distance. I feel no pain. Just observing, taking note. 

Through my life, I have made a habit of cultivating my inner garden. But lately, I've just been standing in the middle of it. And time seems to have halted to a stop. I breathe in and out. And my inner world follows the movement. I hold my breath and all is still. Still life. 

Still life is not life.

But I am here. 

I am alive. 

And I will shine again.

Breathe in...

Breathe out.

My life now.

My life now. I am here. All around, there seems to be no point of focus. Dimensions are blurred. Past, present and futur in one brush of colour. It's all so calm. I feel like I could hang around for a long time.

On the other hand... I know I must move on. The weather will change. I will need a road or at least some point of reference or interest to continue my travels. 

All around, there seems to be no point of focus. 

And though I feel fine.

I know it won't do for long. 

That I will soon again want direction.

I will search for depth. 

And crave for more colour.

An urge for structure will surface.

For now, I float through each day. Rather pointlessly. 

Knowing very well that the longer I stay here, the harder it will be to leave.

Ship at sea... Empty dock... Depends how you look at it.

It is actually both. Ship at sea AND empty dock.
Last post... May 2011. Let's catch up.
June was probably, as usual, a hectic month at work. Not worth mentioning.
Love-hate relationship with that job.
July was vacation.
August, my eldest moved out.


September, and October were crappy months at work - trying to make things different and getting nowhere. But coaching helping me see MYSELF differently and going somewhere for sure.


November was new job month ! Found a wonderful place where my qualifications are needed and appreciated. Great pay. Great team. Great job. Environmental activism. Fits me just fine !


December was for still breaking into the new work and planning a move. Office is an hour's drive from home.


January 2012 my youngest and last moved out. EMPTY NEST. 
Found a wonderful house for rent in small town where my job is.
Sublet my appartement this week.


Move to a small town planned for end of March.


New period in my life I've felt creeping up... has now arrived.
On my own again. 
Feel like I have to learn how to live all over.


I've been using my job as crutch. 
Leaning on it to fill all the empty holes in my life with.
Need to find some sort balance. Will work on that later.... ''SIGH''


For now, I plan on using the move as an excuse to lighten my load. 
Going to get rid of much crap I've been dragging around for years.